Don’t sign up for internet dating. I don’t care if it has 52 elements of dimension to it for to find you the right match or if 1 out of 5 marriages come from match.com. Run. Run away from these sites and do something else to find a date like become a nun. I don’t care if you are Jewish, your life would be much more easier than trying to date guys from the internet.

I’m sitting here seeing so many commercials with happy excited prospective people on dates from match.com and eharmony and it makes me want to throw up.  Thank goodness I am no longer single because I remember those lonely days and nights where I hoped I would find someone nice to go out on dates with. Instead, I was bombarded with every type of weirdo, ego maniac, stalker, convicted felon, guy out there. And those were just the ones I weeded out!

So, I  comprised a list of red flags that I turned into questions so that I can avoid dating any man who has these qualities. I’ve listed out the questions and underneath have written out some notes.

Besides your face, is there any other body part that you shave (or wax)?
I would have never thought to ask this but I had a “speed-dater” tell me that he waxed everything. First, this is too much information when you first meet someone. Second, ewww I don’t want some that clean. Third, just how much hair does he have on his body that he has to do this regularly?

Do you have any fetishes?
Most normal guys laugh at this and make up something really funny. Not normal guys take this seriously and answer something entirely creepy. A guy I met on an internet dating site told me that he liked wearing women’s lingerie, having his hair and make up done by his female lover and then taking on the role of a passive woman while his lover is physically aggressive in bed.

What do you like about women?
This question was never to be a “red flag” question. I ask this to gain insight on how he understands and respects woman. However, I had the following told to me after meeting a guy on an internet dating site, “I like a woman who will take care of me. Someone who will do everything that my mother does now (Side note: We are both in our mid thirties) laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc…” I reply, “What about someone to take care of your physical needs?” (Hint: a question about sex). “My mother rubs my back every night because it helps relieve my stress.” Ewwwww!!!

Do you have any roommates?
This is to weed out anyone living with a mother, parents, and/or a so called “ex-wife.” I ran into a lot of guys who were sleeping on their mother’s couch, in an extra room, or basement. Regardless, this question really came from a guy who told me that he was still sleeping at his ex-wife’s house on the couch. “She’s cool with me dating.” I immediately come back with, “How long have you been separated?” “Oh…” he says. “…only about 2 months.” Well then, sign me up! That won’t be at all uncomfortable. I can just picture the scenario. We’ll go back to his house to make out on the couch and his ex-wife walks by to get a glass of water while clearing her throat. I’m certain she’s okay with it and so am I!

Do you have more than one tooth?
This question is supposed to be a joke. I had one person I met on-line that I was talking to by phone answer it in the following way: “Well…errr… you see…” I knew I was in trouble.